


Reactionary

by nisakomi



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nisakomi/pseuds/nisakomi





	Reactionary

As a favour to his mom’s friend, a professor at the largest university in the city (and the only one his parents thinks is good enough for him) Sehun audits a first year organic chemistry course. Officially, he’s not paying and none of his marks will count, but he’s doing well enough in his final year of high school that he thinks what the heck and agrees to do it. 

(Agree here is a very loose term because he comes home from school on a Tuesday and his mother informs him that she volunteered him to participate.) 

After last period on a Wednesday, he drops off his stuff at home, dumping out the contents of his bag before shoving in a notebook, a couple pens, and slides in the 3000-page textbook with a heavy thud. Slinging his backpack onto his shoulder, he adjusts the strap and tries to make the weight more comfortable. 

His mother thinks that if he’s going to be the youngest and least experienced member of the class, he should at least make a good impression by being punctual. Despite his pleas to take the bus by himself, she drives him there and he arrives in front of the chemistry faculty building nearly half an hour early. With a scowl, he slams the door of the red station wagon closed and stalks through the halls as slowly as possible. Upon arrival of the lecture hall, he discovers there’s only one other person in the entire room. 

  
_Great_ , he thinks, _stuck with what will probably be the biggest keener in the class for another twenty minutes_. 

He’s pretty sure that he’s the only person auditing the course, so it comes as a surprise to him when the other person turns around and looks to be all of twelve years old. And an even greater surprise when he realizes that they’re at the front of the room shuffling around course papers and, 

  
_Oh my fucking god, is he the TA?_ Sehun’s face contorts confusedly for a brief flash before it sits back into its usual neutral position and he settles himself in a seat to the right side of the room. 

People trickle in slowly and Sehun entertains himself by picking at his cuticles and examining the clock at the front of the room very intently in an attempt to avoid awkward eye contact with everyone else. He very pointedly glares at everyone who tries to sit next to him and manages to maintain his personal bubble all the way to the start of the lecture. 

“So, it’s 6:30 now and we’ll start. I’m Lu Han, your TA for this course. Professor Lee will be here momentarily, but in the meanwhile I’ll pass out the course overview and some introductory sheets,” the person from earlier says in a chipper voice. 

Lu Han has an accent and a voice that matches his face. It’s adorable and sweet except that he’s supposed to be at least twenty years old, but could possibly pass off as a junior high student. It’s very disarming. 

Passing back the stack of papers that was handed to him, Sehun continues to stare at the TA until the professor arrives with a large laptop bag and a sense of hurriedness that makes Sehun want to move faster just to keep up. 

They start with what’s supposed to be a quick revision. 

“So, let’s take a look at the bonds between carbon and hydrogen. Anyone want to tell me what type of bonding it is?” 

Picking up his pen and neatly drawing out the CH molecule into his notebook, Sehun keeps his head down lest someone call on him or expect him to provide an answer. 

“Uh, ionic bonding?” Someone proffers and Sehun pauses. He’s about to give a pretty hearty chuckle when someone else starts talking. 

“No, it’s polar covalent.” Sehun drops his pen. 

“Oh, right, because there’s a hydrogen so it’s a hydrogen bond right?” The first person asks while tapping a pen against their chin. Sehun drops his jaw. 

“No, well it would be polar, but if you think about VSEPR it’s non-polar covalent.” Sehun would have dropped his entire body to the floor into a pool of disbelief if the professor hadn’t intervened at this moment to kindly inform them all that C-H bonds are molecular and that they would be moving on to saturated hydrocarbons now if they would all please. 

It was supposed to be a university level course. Supposed to be, until later in the class someone suggests that oxygen has 8 valence electrons. 

(“Vay-luhnse,” the professor emphasizes, “I’m just talking about the electrons in the outer shell.” Her voice is kind and he’s still smiling, but Sehun wants to shoot himself.) 

They barely make it through alkynes by the end of a two and a half hour lecture and when the TA asks for everyone who didn’t officially register for the course to stay behind and file paperwork, Sehun’s ready to launch himself straight off a cliff because he has absolutely zero faith in humanity, much less the state of the education system. 

It takes fifteen minutes to sort out and do paperwork for all the disorganized individuals who only realized after freshmen orientation that the course was a requisite to basically every science major ever -- fifteen minutes that Sehun probably could have finished all his homework in. 

“Ah, you’re Sehun right?” The TA asks, face all smiley and scrunched up and still twelve. 

“Right, I’m auditing this course.” 

“Yeah, Lee told me. I hope you’re finding the material okay?” Lu Han’s voice is pleasant and his face is even more so. 

Sehun wants to snort, but he just nods and signs on the dotted line of the paper that Lu Han has pushed across the desk towards him. 

“Well, if you have any questions, office hours and emails are on the course overview. It’s so weird seeing someone as young as you here, but I’m sure you’ll be fine.” 

“…Right.” Sehun nods calmly, because he isn’t sure if Lu Han will be offended by the fact that he has never met a third or fourth year university student who looked so much like a baby. 

“Good luck!” Lu Han’s giving him a bright grin again and Sehun curses all the smiley people in the world before shuffling out. 

*** 

“How was it?” Baekhyun asks him the next day. Baekhyun has the best marks in the grades, and is anxious to make sure that it stays this way through university. 

“I want to kill myself.” Sehun bites out through a mouthful of rice. 

“That bad?” Baekhyun’s face looks horrified and Sehun gets the distinct sense that he’s already planning a revised study schedule. 

He swallows, shakes his head, and wipes his mouth before saying, “God no, I think I lost more intelligence from banging my head on the desk than I gained from that class.” 

“Well you know what they say,” Baekhyun warns, “The dropout rate for these classes is super high. Once all the dumb kids are weeded out, you’ll be really challenged! This is terrifying, I feel totally unprepared for university, what is our school doing, we should definitely be having more tutoring sessions. I just think I’m going to cancel all my weekend plans and do some extra physics problem sets.” He says this all very quickly in one breath before nibbling on his sandwich. 

Sehun gawks. 

*** 

They spend the next class covering functional groups. The powerpoint slides are neat printed squares on the page, and Sehun jots notes until he becomes too bored and his eyes are sliding across the hall to the clock more than once a minute. 

He notices that the dolt from last class isn’t back, and observes even more students with eyes glazed, in that utterly perplexed look that he’s only ever seen before in the advanced calculus class he took two years ago. Sehun wants to scream in frustration and catches the eye of the TA who looks completely bemused by the sheer number of slackers in the class. 

Sehun counts all 22 of small smiles that Lu Han sends to the distraught students while answering questions from the textbook that he’s supposed to complete for homework while others are asking Lu Han questions. At the end of the class, Lu Han explains an assignment that would be posted online, to be completed in two weeks time and again talks about office hours and emails and questions and the word dismissed is barely out of his mouth before Sehun is leaping over chairs to get out. 

The lecture hall is totally stifling to his brainpower. And Lu Han’s smile is distracting. 

*** 

“Ninety-seven percent!” Baekhyun shrieks across the lunch table at him, “How the fuck did I mess up on the restriction? MY LIFE IS OVER SEHUN, I NO LONGER WISH TO LIVE.” 

Sehun’s arm is being jostled vigorously as he listens to Baekhyun lament about his calculus test. He’s only saved when Chanyeol and Jongin arrive so that they can share in the torture of a dissatisfied Baekhyun. 

“But wait, I’m like not even averaging a 90 in functions man, shut up.” Chanyeol says happily. 

“HOW WILL YOU GET INTO UNIVERSITY,” Baekhyun exclaims, “HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE?” He’s on the point of hysteria. 

Jongin rolls his eyes and turns to Sehun, “So party at Joonmyeon’s on Friday night, you coming?” 

“Nah, probably not, I should do my orgo assignment.” 

“Sucks man. You’re coming to the game though?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be there –“ 

“CHANYEOL, THAT’S IT I WILL BE YOUR TUTOR. YOU CAN’T HAVE A NINETY EIGHT IN WORLD ISSUES AND BE GETTING AN EIGHTY SIX IN FUNCTIONS, YOU ARE _FAILING_ , YOU CANNOT FAIL.” 

*** 

Jongin is the star of the basketball game again, although he comes off the court not entirely pleased that the captain of the other team managed to score the same number of points as him. 

(His name is Kris, he is mysterious looking, shouts at his teammates weirdly, and is freaking tall.) 

“I can’t believe I missed that last shot, I mean I would have had two up on him if I had fucking just got it.” 

Sehun nods calmly and blinks slowly at him. 

“Yeah, you know, I think this is a great time to get plastered at Joonmyeon’s.” Jongin fumbles with his lock and the two leave the school. 

“Is that code for you really want to get laid?” 

“Yeah. Wait. What?” 

“Never mind.” 

*** 

Subway line three is stuck five stops before he gets home. He’s dozing against a glass panel when an automated voice announces the temporary delay. Briefly pondering the merits of just walking home, he looks up to notice a familiar face sitting across from him. 

Lu Han is balancing a binder precariously on his lap, red pen in hand and eyes wide as he marks. He’s unbelievably careful for someone who has probably a hundred assignments to get through. Their eyes meet when Lu Han pauses for a break, and Lu Han’s eyes crinkle warmly. 

“Sehun, right?” 

“I, uh, yeah. That looks like a lot of marking.” 

“It is. Between you and me, I can’t believe how many people still can’t figure out the differences between alkanes, alkenes, and alkynes.” 

“But, how would you write out reactions if –“ 

“Exactly.” 

Lu Han’s smile is gentle and warm and the two make small talk as they wait for the train to get going again. Sehun stares at the way his eyes change when he laughs or frowns, observing long eyelashes and gazing into pools of kindness. Eventually, Lu Han closes his binder because he isn’t getting any more marking done and tells Sehun about university. He’s brutally honest about his experience, and when Sehun finally gets off the subway half an hour later, he has clearer expectations than he thinks Baekhyun will ever have. 

*** 

“Fuck,” Jongin slurs at him on the phone three hours later, “I think, I think the fucking problem is like my goddamn nose. Jongdae has a fucking nice nose.” 

Sehun listens to Jongin’s drunken rambling as he finishes up a draft of answers to the assignment. It’s a lot of naming, drawing, and angles that look like a mess. He debates the value of cleaning them up or rewriting, and settles on rewriting when Jongin launches into a detailed description of all the prettiest people at the party, carefully noting that Jongdae’s cheeks are no better than his and that Joonmyeon should stop staring at them. 

“My cheeks are nice, right?” Jongin drawls. 

Sehun mumbles noncommittally and thinks that Lu Han has the cutest cheeks he’s ever seen. 

*** 

“So let me get this straight, you’re in grade twelve?” Lu Han asks as he slaps down a sheet of paper in front of Sehun. Sehun nods, eyes blank. 

“Okay, well anyway moving on.” 

Sehun turns over the sheet slowly, and is aghast to find an eighty-seven scrawled across the front page in red pen. He’s pretty much ready to cry. 

  
_Oh my god_ , he thinks, _Baekhyun was right, I am unprepared for university._  


He spends the rest of the class staring holes into Lu Han’s face, unsure why he’s so angry that nineties were not more frequently given out, and why he had forgotten to write cis in front of one of his molecules, and that the ammonium salt left is aqueous and debates the merits of finding him later to get a better mark. Lu Han is in the middle of a tirade about acids and bases in relation to amines and amides when their eyes meet again and Sehun scrunches his face into an angry scowl and Lu Han shoots him a puzzled look. 

  
_Lu Han’s puzzled face is very cute_ , Sehun thinks offhandedly, _I am going to go find him later to look at his pretty face again_. 

The next day he knocks on Lu Han’s door gently, but firmly, and bravely wobbles into the tiny cubicle of space that Lu Han has been given in order to work with students. He hands the TA his paper and proceeds to list all the reasons why he shouldn’t have been docked marks. 

“Right, so the average was a 64, and I’m sure that your marks will improve. You just have to be very specific because we are marking by certain criteria. Yeah! Besides, you’re like what, twelve?” 

Sehun blinks. He blinks again, and then makes the mistake of looking straight into Lu Han’s big doe eyes. They’re comforting and beautiful and Sehun’s voice catches in his throat. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone so breathtaking before. 

“Uh. I’m. I’m in grade 12?” Sehun does not stutter at all, as he continues to stare. 

Lu Han sighs in a manner that can only be called melodramatic. 

“Well, a third of the class still can’t describe how hydrolysis works, much less write out reaction mechanisms for it. You really shouldn’t be unhappy with your mark.” 

“Oh.” Sehun slowly puts away his assignment and gets up. 

“You’re doing quite well, actually!” Lu Han says encouragingly, and Sehun stares at Lu Han’s eyelashes. 

“Thank you?” He bows quickly and mutters a thank you before rushing out of the office. 

“Uh,” he says out loud to himself once the door’s shut. 

“Lu Han,” the walls seem to say back to him. 

“Um,” he replies very articulately. 

(Coherency has always been his strong point.) 

When he gets home, he throws his bag on a chair and flings himself face down onto his bed. He screams into his pillow, which muffles his voice, and stays lying like this until his mother calls him for dinner. He tells her that he isn’t hungry and flops over, bringing a hand to cover his face. With his eyes closed, Lu Han’s face comes into his mind and Sehun tries very hard not to unzip his pants and reach under his boxers. 

 

*** 

 

“Jongin,” Sehun begins very solemnly. 

“Yes?” 

“Jongin,” he says again, completely serious. 

“Uh-huh.” 

“I think… I think that I am gay.” 

“Okay.” 

“I am going to come out of the closet now.” 

“Good.” 

Sehun hesitates before pushing the door to the broom cupboard open with a twist of the handle and a creak in the hinge and takes a careful tentative step out. 

“You know,” Jongin looks at him curiously, “when they say coming out of the closet, I think they meant it figuratively. I don’t think you needed to literally walk out of a closet.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. Besides I thought we went over this two years ago. So anyway -” 

“Well, I think I am in love with my TA.” 

“Wait. What?” 

“He’s all of twelve and can’t stop smiling and is adorable and he has laugh lines, but he’s like twenty something –“ 

“No wait. Wait. Did you say you think you might be gay?” 

“Yes, Jongin,” Sehun says exasperatedly. 

“And you might be in love with your TA?” 

“Yes. Jongin, have you been paying any attention –“ 

“Oh my god, this is fucking perfect, you can turn it into a song, I mean it’s like the cutest story ever right and it even rhymes, like gay and TA and you wouldn’t mind if I wrote one right I mean –“ 

“Jongin,” Sehun enunciates slowly and clearly. 

“Yes?” 

“Jongin,” Sehun shakes his head sadly. 

 

*** 

 

Sehun is greatly determined to get a ninety on the midterm. By greatly determined, one can assume correctly that he has his tongue poking between his teeth as he does both the odd and even questions in the textbook, reviews all the lecture notes, reads the relevant chapters, does the practice test twice, redoes the earlier assignment, copies out the relevant information into four sets of notes (one for home, one for school, one for class, one for practice) and keeps his nose buried in his organic chemistry folder for a week. 

He hopes very desperately that this is how normal people study because he has not yet had to study for anything in high school, and doesn’t remember ever needing to sit down and develop study habits his entire life. Come to think of it, he isn’t sure that he’s ever done anything more than waffled through his courses and aced them on account of sheer talent. 

The hard work takes a mental toll on him, and he falls asleep on top of his keyboard the night before the exam, drool pooling between the spacebar and the table, providing him a convenient nine hours of sleep. Jolted awake by the sound of his mother pounding his door, telling him he’ll be late for school, he flits through his bedroom organizing all of his stuff (belatedly remembering that he has a bio lab later in the afternoon) and rushing through breakfast. 

When he finally arrives at the lecture hall many hours later, there are quite a few frazzled looking university students with heavy bags under their eyes, dark circles, cups of coffee, messy hair, dirty sweatpants, and sheets of C-H bonds everywhere. Technically, he doesn’t need to be taking this midterm. Technically, he’s not marked on anything other than effort. Technically, he’s not enrolled at this university, and technically, it shouldn’t matter. 

But it does in a weird contorted way, that Lu Han thinks he’s somewhat intelligent or at least capable, and on par with university students. It is important for important reasons, and Sehun has all of his priorities sorted out, he is a firm believer of this. Lu Han probably barely remembers any of the students, much less their marks, but Sehun is convinced that he will make him see differently. Conviction is a powerful thing. 

The midterm goes uneventfully, save for a girl in braids sitting near the front who actually falls asleep on her paper and starts snoring in a way even more obnoxious than Chanyeol after he’s gotten incredibly drunk. The rest of the class is scribbling furiously, crossing things out, erasing, writing, rewriting, thinking, scratching at heads, noses, skin, paper, and after three hours, everyone hands in their work and they breathe a collective sigh of relief, loud enough to compete with the girl’s snores. 

Sehun feels semi confident. He completed all of the questions, double checked his answers, and was paying some attention to the careless mistakes he was prone to make when distracted, and tried very hard not to stare at Lu Han’s ass when he was walking around. 

It was going to be okay. He thinks. 

 

*** 

 

“How was it?” 

“Fuck if I know,” Sehun yawns. 

“Bad sign. We are all doomed. I thought I was entering a decent high school. I was wrong. None of us are going to pass university. I AM GOING TO DIE.” 

Sehun leaves Baekhyun to Chanyeol and pulls out his phone. He’s alarmed to have received an email from an unknown sender . 

He shrieks and almost drops his phone. 

“WHAT? IS IT FINALLY OVER? ARE WE ALL GOING TO DIE? I DON’T WANT TO DIE I STILL HAVE A 99 AVERAGE.” 

Sehun scrambles to pick up his phone and clicks the appropriate links to his mark. 

“Fuck.” 

“I AM NOT READY TO GO BEFORE I GET MY ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT AWARD. I NEED TO GRADUATE FIRST.” 

“Fuck.” 

“CAN WE PLEASE ANNOUNCE VALEDICTORIANS FIRST.” 

“Fuck. Will this goddamn page load faster, Chanyeol can you shut Baekhyun up jesus fucking Christ.” 

“HA. NONE OF YOU WILL EVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO BEAT ME N –“ 

No one had expected that when Sehun asked Chanyeol to shut Baekhyun up, he would kiss him. It is very effective! Baekhyun is critically hit and the two are engaged in activities that keep them busy enough while Sehun’s fingers tremble. 

Blinking slowly at his shaking hands and phone, he takes a deep breath just as the page finally loads. 

“Oh my god.” 

This time, there are no hysterical screams from Baekhyun that greet him. There is a lot of weird moaning sounds coming from his general direction, though. 

“Oh my fucking god.” 

Baekhyun groans into Chanyeol and brings a hand to clutch at his hair. 

“Holy fucking shit.” 

Baekhyun is nodding vigorously into Chanyeol’s face. 

“I got a fucking ninety.” 

“Mmph…ngh!” 

“A NINETY.” Sehun is fairly prepared at this point to get up and dance on the table, but refrains. He takes a quick glance over at his friends who have enveloped each other into an embrace tight enough to make it difficult for anyone to distinguish where someone ends and the other begins. Sehun blinks calmly before turning and charging through the hallways out the front door to give a very loud and high-pitched shriek. 

Success is sweet.  
*** 

  

Ah, I emailed you all of your marks this past week, I hope you all received them! Please let me know if you didn’t,” Lu Han smiles at the entire room and nods his head pointedly, “Some of you did really well! Some of you …not so much. But it’s okay! With hard work and studying, you will all ace the final exam, I’m sure of it!” 

Sehun walks up to Lu Han’s desk to collect his papers after class, taking the back of a long line of students, many of whom look horrified. There are several whiny students, some relieved students, and Lu Han looks ready to fall over from having to deal with everyone’s reactions by the time Sehun finally gets to the front. 

“Sehun! I hope you’re not looking for more marks again, because I’m pretty sure you did one of the best jobs in the class,” Lu Han’s smile is teasing and Sehun’s face doesn’t change. 

“Sehun?” Lu Han’s voice turns from joking to concern as Sehun lean closer and closer towards him. 

“I did alright, right?” He asks slowly, desperate to not fumble with his words. 

“Y-es?” Lu Han nods before furrowing his brow at the proximity between them. 

Sehun licks his lips, dampening them with his tongue. And then he dashes. 

  

*** 

  

“I can’t believe you actually did okay!“ 

“Shut up.” 

Sehun is totally hysterical next day. He spends all of his free second period wafting about as Jongin tries not to laugh, and makes his lyric-writing as covert as possible. 

“You’re _lovesick_ ,” Jongin’s face seems totally elated. 

“Shut up.” 

“Lovesick, but a total pussy!” The glee in Jongin’s eyes is unmistakable. 

Sehun whimpers. 

“What are you going to do about your crush if you aren’t going to let me write a song about it?” Jongin asks, while making a very sad disappointed face. 

“Eat him.” 

“What?” 

“What? I mean. Well, I don’t know if he’s even into guys first of all, but I don’t know if I can do anything more than stare.” 

“But it would be such an enthralling love story! The TA who bonded with the student in the strongest chi bonds known to mankind! The chemistry between them provided electricity for 12kV of potential! How aromatics gave a TA and his student blossoming relationship!” 

“Please stop.” 

“Jokes don’t get old! They just fail to entice reactions!” 

Sehun draws his lips together tightly before explaining, “He’s four years older than me, but could be my nephew.” 

“Just because he’s cute doesn’t actually make him young.” 

Sehun’s tongue darts out and he wonders, “Are there…actual elixirs of life? Real ones?” 

“Um, no?” 

Sehun’s eyes go round, “Do you think…” 

“What?” 

“What if his research project is in the synthesis of an immortality potion?” Sehun’s voice becomes hushed and increasingly urgent, “What if he’s been hiding all his work and agreed to be the orgo TA just so he could have access to labs to see what keeps things alive? What if he becomes the greatest biochemist of all time? What if – Wait Jongin come back here JOONMYEON’S CLASS HASN’T ENDED.” 

  

*** 

  

The extra work he’s been doing with the organic chem course has, not surprisingly, turned his high school chemistry class into somewhat of a joke. The day they start their organic chemistry unit, Sehun switches to sitting in the back of the class, reading up on ammonium salt formations and rates of reaction, using monosaccharaides in two step processes instead of learning about carboxylic acids and ketones for a second time. 

He pauses halfway through the period and looks up at their teacher, half expecting to see Lu Han’s face. But it’s silly because the teacher doesn’t have the same clear, gentle voice, not the soft lilt of a Chinese accent in his speech, none of the large, pretty eyes, rounded cheeks, or smile lines. He imagines what it would be like to run his fingers through Lu Han’s hair, soft and curled instead of the sleek straightness of his own. He wonders what it would be like to kiss him, lips on lips, thinks about how he’s never wanted to kiss a girl before. 

It clicks into his mind that no matter how much he resists Jongin’s teasing, he definitely has a crush on Lu Han, but if the tittering of a quarter of the population of the lecture hall is anything to go by, he’s not the only one. And realistically, being so much younger and less well grown than all the girls with their eyelashes curled and carefully covered with mascara, all the boys with much deeper voices and bulkier muscles – well Sehun doesn’t stand anywhere. Besides, the university’s pretty big, and there’s a high probability that Lu Han is already dating someone several years older and wiser than Sehun, and a low probability that Lu Han is gay. 

While he came to class with relatively low expectations, Sehun really didn’t think he’d be walking out in such a mopey and unhappy state of mind. He itched to do something that would make him feel less affected, because for all the lack of expression on his face, once he became emotionally invested in something, he found it incredibly difficult to let go. He never made friends easily, but once he did become close to someone, he rarely lost contact with them. 

  

*** 

  

“So I heard,” Baekhyun begins, in a rare moment of not sucking at Chanyeol’s perpetually smiley mouth, “That your TA is kind of adorable?” 

“Hn.” 

“And I was just thinking, you shouldn’t get distracted by someone else’s beauty in class!” 

“Hn.” 

“And then I thought, I am never distracted by anyone anymore because I have Chanyeol’s dumb face to look at.” 

“Ew, please, I don’t want to hear it.” 

“Huh. Well anyway, I think the solution to your problem is that you just need to get laid.” 

“You and Chanyeol have enough sex for our entire grade combined.” 

“…You know, I thought that in your miserable mood, you’d be less snarky,” Baekhyun frowned sadly. 

  

*** 

  

Drawing benzene rings and R’ chains into the shape of a face, he frowns at himself before taking a look at his calendar. The final exam is in a month, and he considers that he should probably be relishing the last moments he has to look his fill at Lu Han. Because soon, the course will be over, and they might never see each other again. 

The thing is, Baekhyun’s wrong. Sehun is never distracted in class, because he’s paying rapt attention to every word that falls out of Lu Han’s mouth, and commits each curve of his lips, lowering of his jaw, every syllable and sound to memory. When he gets home to review his notes, to study, or to do practice problems, he can hear Lu Han’s voice in his head, as crisp as a recording. If he closes his eyes, he can see him too, the youthful glow radiating from him. 

It’s this image that he falls asleep to at night, hand slick and body wanting, biting into his pillow to not make any sounds, thrumming with painful need and desire. Rhythmic and slow, but so very rough, his breath comes in short bursts and his fingers clench a little tighter. 

(It’s like he’s just finally hit puberty, something like 4 years too late, but 4 times as heady as everyone else was.) 

And as he gasps and arches, Lu Han’s name tumbles quietly out of his mouth and he thinks it’s wrong - really really wrong - but the only right thing in his life. His chest tightens and his heart aches, beating and squeezing, contorting all the logical pieces he had used to construct his existence. 

  

*** 

  

Despite what’s obviously a crunch week for school, Sehun spends more time with his nose buried in his organic chemistry textbook now than he does studying for all his other classes combined. He’s lucky that he already kind of knows all the material, and that his marks are high enough that a percent or two slipped up on tests don’t really hurt him. Baekhyun is enraged, however and tugs Chanyeol toward his locker after school one day. 

“You are, to my utter disappointment, no longer competition!” He’s seething now about something that Sehun is frequently considering trivial nowadays, a calculus test he got back with a rounded mark of a neat 95%. It’s not terrible by a long shot, but it is below both their standards, as top of the class. 

Sehun quietly closes his locker, shoves his bag on his shoulder, clicks the lock into place and turns away from Baekhyun. 

“What are we aiming for, Baekhyun?” He mumbles. 

“The future! Our lives!” Baekhyun seems ready to give him a million answers. 

“What future? We’ve already got all of our university acceptances, and you and I are both going to the same top school - it’s over now, isn’t it?” 

“Oh Sehun. I would have never pegged you as the type to get senioritis. It’s not about what the result is; it’s this process of self-motivation and goal reaching. It’s knowing at the end, that you did something well. It’s that future where we can look back and say I did it, I have no regrets.” 

And Baekhyun might be right, but Sehun shrugs his shoulders and starts walking off. 

“Hey! Jongin might be mooning over Joonmyeon so often that it’s made it easy for you to avoid him, but he’ll talk sense into you!” Baekhyun calls down the hallway at him. 

It hasn’t been a conscious decision, not really, but Jongin really is merging into Joonmyeon’s friends group and it’s made Sehun spend a lot more time alone. He doesn’t give it second thought, because Jongin can’t do anything. 

  

*** 

  

For a while, when he gets home, he wonders why he’s trying so hard to impress someone who isn’t interested in being impressed. He’s flipping through review chapters of section 12 quickly before he has to leave for class when he gets a text from Jongin 

  
_He’s straight._   


And for a moment Sehun wildly thinks that Jongin talked to Lu Han, but then realizes that it’s Joonmyeon he’s talking about. 

“Fuck,” he spits out loud, “Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.” He’s never skipped class before, but this is probably one of those special occurrences that you simply don’t miss as a best friend, as Jongin’s oldest friend, not even for that TA that you keep making eyes at. 

He sprints out of his room with wallet and phone in hand, stopping only to grab his keys and a pile of video games along with a box of Oreos from the kitchen. When he reaches Jongin’s doorstep, he tries to catch his breath before ringing the doorbell. He can feel the sweat on his forehead, feels sticky from it. His entire body is itching to be in the lecture hall, and his heart is pounding from running, but also from confusion. 

Sehun feels like shit. Feels pathetically stupid for not spending more time with Jongin, for not being more supportive or observant, for forgetting that time when Joonmyeon grimaced at Baekhyun and Chanyeol, for being stupid stupid stupid and a terrible friend. If he were Jongin, he’d never forgive himself. He’s still trying to collect his thoughts when Jongin’s mother opens the door and looks up at him in surprise. 

“Sehun! It’s been a while.” 

“Uh, yeah. Sorry, is Jongin in?” 

“Oh he came home a little while ago, he’s in his room. Do you want anything to drink? I’ll call him out –“ 

“No don’t worry, Mrs. Kim, I’ll just go find him if that’s okay.” 

She nods and he hurries down the hall to Jongin’s room. Giving the door a sharp rap, he doesn’t wait for a response before he turns the doorknob and heads in. 

“Fuck you, you could have texted back,” Jongin’s voice is muffled when he speaks, lying face down on his bed. 

“Sorry, too busy trying to find Halo 3.” Sehun bites back, setting down the stuff he’s brought with him on the floor before going to Jongin. 

Jongin rolls around and Sehun can see the redness, the puffy swollen just-cried look, but doesn’t comment. He sits himself down beside him and wraps his fingers around Jongin’s elbow. Jongin looks like he’s about to pull his arm away before he sighs and finally looks at Sehun. 

Sehun gets a good look at his face then, tear streaks showing. Jongin’s hair is a tangled mop on his head, his mouth turned down in a way that isn’t sexy or confident, but a miserable wreck and it makes Sehun’s heart ache. Once again feelings of regret flood through him, and he’s never felt so guilty before. 

He places his hand on Jongin’s shoulder and squeezes tightly, and they sit silently for a while. 

“We were joking around by his locker right, and one of his friends made a joke that I didn’t even hear, but he got all self-righteous like, and said something along the lines of ew I hate gay people, how can guys like anything but tits…” 

Sehun’s not exactly shocked by this confession, but it hurts to hear Jongin tell it, voice raw and ready to crack at any moment. It also hurts that he wasn’t there to warn him, head him off, gently break this to him and it hurts all the more because this is how he identifies as a human being, and that someone who his friend had been so interested in could say something like this. 

“…I just, I froze up a little and I think forced myself to give a half-hearted giggle before I just left. I can’t even remember if I made up an excuse or not, I just, he was so close to Jongdae right, I thought there must’ve been at least something there and I thought like it’s the fucking 21st century, we don’t openly talk about it, but he was just so hateful and I. I’ve been wrong to hate Jongdae I think, because he found me by the gym and sat down beside me and didn’t say a word, but I think he got it, and I think maybe he might even be in love with Joonmyeon and it’s probably worse for him because he’s so fucking close, but Sehun I just can’t. I can’t. I don’t know what to do with myself, why is he like that?” 

Why indeed. While Jongin rambled, Sehun pulled out the box of Oreos and dropped one into Jongin’s mouth as soon as he was done. 

They sat eating half the box together in one sitting, Jongin still choking back occasional sobs, but sitting up now as Sehun rubbed slow circles on his back. 

At around 9:30pm, Jongin manages to get himself off the bed and they play first person shooter games for two hours non-stop. Sehun’s fingers are starting to go numb by the end and when he glances up at the clock, he realizes he should probably get home. Jongin’s looking a degree better, and hugs Sehun tightly before he leaves. 

“Thanks,” he mumbles, “You know, for being there all the time.” 

(Sehun thinks no, no he really hasn’t been there at all, but he can’t bring himself to say this to Jongin and smiles grimly at him before leaving.) 

  

*** 

  

When he gets home he tosses himself onto his bed and falls asleep quickly, so he doesn’t see Lu Han’s email until the next morning. 

  
_Hey Sehun,_   


  
_Sorry I didn’t see you today. I know most people get their work from each other, but since you don’t really know anyone, I’ve attached the notes and homework._   


  
_Lu Han_   


He jolts awake after reading it, opening up the attachments and realizing how much he’s missed. He prints everything out to read on the bus. 

It’s unusual that a TA would email a student about a missed class, but it is true that Sehun’s in a fairly special situation. He skims through the information, realizing that he’s missing a page. Double-checking the message on his phone, he confirms that he never received it and decides to go find Lu Han during his office hours after school. 

In school he hardly has time to think about anything but keeping Jongin company. He sits beside him in classes they usually don’t sit together for, keeping tightly close to him during all of their free time. He’s trying to make up for some of the lost time from last week, and it doesn’t really seem adequate, but he supposes that it’s okay he’s making an effort. 

Baekhyun glares at him from across the lunchroom, making keen points with his eyebrows and the frown on his lips. Sehun cedes easily, because it is his fault, and mouths _sorry_ to him when Jongin’s head is turned around. 

But he probably should have been paying attention because at that moment, Joonmyeon and a bunch of his groupies walk into the cafeteria and Jongin visibly freezes. 

“Don’t bother,” Sehun whispers urgently and moves his hands animatedly. Jongin pretends to be laughing at something Sehun says and when he notices that Joonmyeon has walked a fair distance away, he gives a sigh of relief and slumps. It’s then that Sehun notices that Jongdae has slipped into the seat across from him and smiles politely at Sehun. 

“I’m Jongdae, I don’t believe we’ve spoken before.” 

Sehun lowers his head, “Um yeah, I’m Sehun.” 

Jongin is staring curiously at Jongdae and they have a silent conversation in front of him that goes straight over his head. Sehun quickly finishes eating and sweeps away to join Baekhyun and Chanyeol, while Jongin and Jongdae whisper furiously at each other. 

“So I don’t know what just happened, but uh, I think this whole, um, Jongin…thing has made me realize I should stop being stupidly mopey and pick up my life again.” He says to Baekhyun, but doesn’t make eye contact. 

Chanyeol smiles, and then Baekhyun grins, and Sehun can’t help but smirk a little too. 

  

*** 

  

This thought process lasts as long as the few hours through lunch and his trip to Lu Han’s office. His palms are sweaty as he walks down the hallway leading to the tiny room where Lu Han is scribbling away furiously on a sheet of paper for a girl who doesn’t look like she’s paying attention to his notes at all. 

“Thanks Lu Han,” she whispers breathily when he pauses to check if she got everything he said, “You’re so great.” 

Lu Han pushes her binder into her hands and smiles at her. She stands there for a little while before realizing that the conversation was over and hurriedly heads out, slightly embarrassed. 

Sehun slips in while Lu Han’s head is down looking at a sheet. He clears his throat softly to get Lu Han’s attention. 

“Oh, Sehun! I’m surprised you weren’t here yesterday,” Lu Han comments when he looks up. 

“Yeah, sorry something came up. I, uh, looked at the stuff you sent me but I think I’m missing a few pages.” 

“Argh, I’m sorry, it’s been so busy here recently with my finals coming up and yours, and more and more people are coming in with questions. I must have sent it before uploading all of the files sorry,” Turning to his computer, Lu Han clicks around before scrunching up his face and saying, “Hm yeah, I did miss some stuff. I’ll send it to you now. While you’re here, do you have any other questions?” He asks, blinking up at Sehun. 

Sehun stops himself from asking if he can lick Lu Han’s jawline, and stammers out a “N-no, th-thanks.” 

“Oh, well, just email me if anything comes up then, you don’t have to come all the way down to campus. Have you decided what university you’re going to next year, by the way?” 

“Uh. Yeah, this one.”   

“Hey that’s great! I’ll probably see you around next year then. Are you going to be taking the orgo course again?” 

“Yeah, I’ll probably have to.” 

“Well, at least now you won’t really need to study.” 

“No, I could probably TA this course next year,” Sehun jokes. 

Lu Han observes him seriously, “Actually, you probably could.” 

Sehun looks taken aback, “But first year?” 

“There’s that, but I think only Minseok is doing better than you in this course. Oops, wait I didn’t say that, well you don’t know who he is anyway.” 

Sehun laughs and mutters, “Well it’s thanks to a pretty good TA getting information into my head.” 

Lu Han’s smile fades a little and looks at him seriously. 

“You’re a sponge.” 

“What?” Sehun’s confusion is written across his face. 

“Like SpongeBob, only you’re SpongeSehun and you’re soaking up information instead of water.” 

“That has got to be the weirdest analogy I have ever heard,” Sehun says, face completely neutral. 

Lu Han laughs at him before waving him towards the door, “Shoo, you’re distracting me from my work.” 

  
_You’re distracting me from my life._   


  

*** 

  

Finals eventually roll around, and Jongdae has become a permanent fixture to their lunch table now. The group tries not to distract Sehun as he crams in the last bits of information into his head, anything that will set him apart from the rest of the class. He’s terrified, because this is the last time he’s seeing Lu Han and he would be spending the entire time with his nose to a sheet of paper instead of looking up at the TA’s face. 

He goes directly from school to class that day with his friends’ well wishes and support. He clutches tightly at his textbook, walks into the lecture hall, sits down in his usual seat, and pulls out his pencil case. 

Sheets of paper are passed out and Lu Han says from the front of the room, “You have three hours. Good luck. You may begin.” 

The sound of over a hundred papers flipping over is heard and the rustling lasts for a few more seconds before the only sound in the lecture hall is the scratching of pencils and pens, and the ticking clock. 

Six questions. 

120 marks. 

30% of the course evaluation. 

Sehun takes a deep breath and builds two-dimensional mechanisms. 

  

*** 

  

“And time’s up!” Lu Han calls, and students groan, lean back, and look relieved. 

Sehun stretches out his arms and waits for everyone’s exam to be collected. They’re given warm words by the professor, wishes of good luck and congratulations for a semester well done. They receive their marks in less than a week. Sehun stays back afterward to collect the auditing evaluation for the course that the professor has prepared for him. 

  
_1\. How challenging was the material? 2. How prepared were you for this class?_   


Question 10 asks: _How helpful was the TA?_  


It’s the only question he leaves a ten out of ten for. 

  

*** 

  

The week passes in a bit of a blur. In school there’s a rush to the end, with teachers giving out final assignments and preparing everyone for their exams. It’s a flurry of activity, all the students are stressed and losing sleep, and Sehun’s on edge waiting for his results. 

“You’re sure you didn’t mix up the exothermic reactions with the endothermic ones?” Jongin teases him. 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Sehun shrieks at him on the day they’re to be posted. 

They’re sitting in a circle in the courtyard, Baekhyun is playing with Chanyeol’s hair and Jongdae is reading a thick novel. Jongin has been alternating between tickling and poking Sehun in the ribs and dozing on Jongdae’s shoulder. When his phone pings with the sound of a new email, Baekhyun screams louder than he does. 

Sehun squeezes his eyes shut and clicks the message. He peeks one eye open and opens the other, eyes wide open and jaw dropped low. 

Baekhyun wrenches the phone out of his hand and lets out a loud yelp that catches the attention of everyone around them. 

“OH SEHUN YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS.” 

And it’s probably true, because Sehun’s exam mark is a 94 and he’s come out of the course with a solid 92. 

Lu Han’s email is short and simple, 

  
_Sehun:_   


  
_Exam mark – 94_  
Final mark – 92  


  
_You can pick up your paper from my office later this week if you wish._   


  
_Lu Han_   


  
_P.S. When’s your graduation?_   


When Sehun regains control of himself, he plucks the phone from Baekhyun’s hand and shoots back a reply of thanks, and the date. He quickly adds a, _You should come!_ And hits send before he gets the chance to stop himself. 

*** 

  

Sehun doesn’t receive a response from Lu Han until several days later, likely bogged down by tons of responses from other students with much more serious concerns or messages than his own. 

  
_Sehun,_   


  
_Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. I’d love to attend, shoot me the time and place and I’ll be there._   


  
_Lu Han_   


He belatedly thinks that it’s probably really weird to have the TA of a university course you audited go to your high school graduation, but he’s had a lot of weird interactions with Lu Han in the past few months. It’s one of those what the heck moments, and after sending the relevant information over, they don’t communicate for a few weeks. 

Preparation and studying for exams is tough, and he barely takes enough breaks to eat, much less go through emails or use the internet for stuff that isn’t school. 

His last exam ends up being chemistry, which he aces, and graduation rolls around much faster than he thinks. 

Baekhyun ends up getting the academic award, to absolutely no one’s surprise, and Sehun takes a peak at Chanyeol who is so happy he looks ready to cry. 

Sehun is surprised when he finds out that Jongdae is named Valedictorian and says as much to Jongin while Jongdae walks away from the podium, and Jongin snorts telling him that he really shouldn’t be, before smashing his lips into Jongdae’s. 

There is a brief click of realization in Sehun’s head, on his face, and he smiles at his friends, at Baekhyun who has started crying, and Chanyeol who is absolutely sobbing, at Jongdae and Jongin smiling sickening sweet at each other and Sehun almost forgets that Lu Han was coming until a hand rests on his shoulder. 

He whirls around and makes a sound of surprise upon seeing Lu Han’s smiling face. They walk together for a while and Lu Han finally proffers, 

“Congratulations.” 

Sehun blushes before murmuring his thanks. 

“You know, in Japan, the graduates take off their second button and give it to the person they love.” 

“I knew you’d be the type of person to read manga.” 

“I didn’t know you’d be one.” 

“I don’t,” Sehun says seriously. 

“Hm. Well, now that you’re officially a student at the same university, and I’m no longer your TA, I think it’s okay now to do this.” 

Before Sehun can ask what, Lu Han’s lips are pressing gently against the corner of his mouth. 

“I. What, uh,” Sehun gets out articulately. 

“You really bring out the sapiosexual in me, and your total coherency is kind of hot in an adorable way.” 

Sehun frowns and leans in - he’ll show him hot. 


End file.
